I umpired on Wednesday evening, Babe Ruth AA. It was at Optimist Park in Calgary, an absolutely gorgeous evening, probably around 25C at first pitch.

The game started right on time and I felt very comfortable. I was wondering if the one catcher could or would block anything as almost every warm up pitch ended up being a passed ball. He settled in though which is great. The other catcher was a kid I’ve known for a few years, he’s pretty unique when it comes to catchers, he’s left-handed.

Now, for those familiar with baseball, almost 100% of catchers are right-handed. In 30 years of umpiring, I’ve only seen two catchers who are left-handed. It’s not that he’s not a good catcher, he is, it’s just odd to see. I have no idea what his name is, I just know he’s the left-handed catcher.  I digress, this isn’t about him, although I wish him well.

As I said, I felt very comfortable and that feeling lasted until about the 4th inning. The game was moving along, I thought I was doing a good job.

After that, I started hearing side comments from fans, from coaches and some looks from the players. Not enough to eject someone, but enough for me to hear.

I thought to myself, “my zone had changed, it’s too big, top to bottom”. I thought I was good on width though and I also thought I was consistent, but something was up and I wasn’t able to change.

Me, personally, I started to feel bad. Not emotionally bad, not about the game, I couldn’t care less if the fans, players and/or coaches thought every pitch was called wrong, they can all fuck off, but something wasn’t right.

I was short of breath. My chest was tight. I was feeling overheated. I wasn’t dizzy, but I wasn’t good.

In the top of the 7th with 2 out, I called time. I mixed towards 3rd base and called my partner in. I might have stumbled a bit because he came in fast. I was near tears.

I called the coaches in. I apologized, but said I couldn’t continue. I had to step out. They asked what was wrong and I told them.

I’ve got cancer. Stage 4. I can’t breathe properly. My chest feels tight. I’m too hot. I can’t continue. I thought I’d be ok.

Instant recognition. Instant change of attitude, even if I read things wrong earlier. Instant ask if what they can do to help.

I went to the visiting dugout, the players were cleared away, they didn’t know what was wrong. I took my helmet off. Someone got me my water. I sat down and took a long drink. I wanted to be rid of my equipment at it felt that it was crushing me.

The I’ve coach said two moms were nurses and were coming to help. They asked if I wanted an ambulance? No, I don’t want that.

They helped me to the umpire room where I was able to take off the chest protector, the helmet, the legs pads. I felt more comfortable. I drank more water.

My heart rate was high, around 115bpm.

As I sat there, drinking water and cooling off, I started to feel better. My heart rate slowly dropped.  I started feeling like myself.

The game ended. My partner finished it from behind the mound. He came to check in on me. So did the coaches. The nurses said they felt better, my colour had returned. When they first saw me, I was gray, now the pink had returned.

I was asked if I could drive home. Yes, I can. We waited though, 30 minutes. I felt much better.

One of the coordinators stopped by, probably to pick up his son. He wanted me to text him when I got home. I did. He thanked me. I thanked him.

I got home around 1030pm. It’s now 1am. I’m wired. Not tired at all. I should be. I should be very tired, but I’m not.

I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to umpire again. I’m going to take a few games off, at least. I’m getting tired very easily. It’s annoying. I feel like I’m 95.

Maybe I’ll get better in a week, or in two weeks. I’m not sure. Maybe I won’t feel better in a week, or in two weeks. Maybe, last night will be the last game I’ll ever umpire. I just don’t know.

What I do know is this.

If that was my last game, well, it wasn’t that great of a game. But what I also know is this.

I’ve umpired for 30 years and done countless games. Some have been good games, some have been bad games, some have been great games.

What’s not changed is how I feel before, during and after umpiring. I feel great. I feel the love of the game.

If just night was my last game, well, I want to say thank you. Thank you to everyone involved. Thank you to the players who I’ve umpired. Thank you to the coaches who have put in their time. Thank you to the parents who do all they do. Thank you to the umpires that I’ve learned from. Just thank you.

We’ll see what happens in the days, weeks and months ahead. Wish me some luck, if you will. With some luck, I’ll be back behind the plate. Back on the field. Doing what I’ve grown to love. To umpire baseball.